Good morning,
When Mary and I were in the “young love” stage of our marriage we spent a good deal of time with friends who had been married for a few more years than us. While they were a nice couple and we got along well, they had a tendency to put down each other in casual conversation. Sometimes the comments were told in a “teasing” manner, but other times it was quite clear that they weren’t kidding around. At one point I worked up the nerve to mention my concern to my friend. His response was that there was nothing to worry about and that it was “just how our relationship is,” which indicated to me that he wanted the conversation to end.
For many couples, speaking back and forth to each other in snide remarks and biting jokes is a regular part of their marriage. They don’t necessarily enjoy it, but it is “just how their relationship is.”
But it’s not how God wants our relationship with our spouse to be.
I have a sarcastic sense of humor, and Mary and I can have fun teasing one another about our respective quirks. One thing that I have worked hard at doing, however, is avoiding teasing her or negatively comparing her to others in public. Speaking positively about our spouse in public is a big part of being on the same side, one of the love languages that we need to speak to our partner. Most married couples would say that they see their marriage as a partnership or a team, but sometimes they act as if they are anything but that.
Being on the same side involves expressing loyalty and faithfulness to your spouse. While it doesn’t mean we have to agree with them on every detail large and small, it does mean that we are constantly offering our support and affirmation to them. This support also means that there will be times that we need to “protect” them. Not because they are helpless, but because others are asking too much of them. We need to protect them from over committing themselves, for example. We need to help them guard their schedule. Sometimes we need to protect them from those they cannot say “no” to, such as our kids or our parents.
There are many examples in the Bible of one spouse demonstrating their loyalty to the other. The story of Noah and his wife is one example (has any spouse ever demonstrated a “we are in this together” attitude more than Noah’s wife?), and Moses and Zipporah are another. On the other hand, there are also plenty of examples of what can go wrong when husband and wife aren’t on the same side.
It seems like it is human nature to compare our situations in life with those of others. If you find yourself in a conversation where a group of people are comparing spouses (you know the ones, they usually contain phrases like “you think that’s bad, well my wife…” or “I just wish my husband could be more like…”) refrain from joining in and gently steer the discussion to another subject. It’s one of the most visible demonstrations of love for your spouse that you can make!
Here’s what’s happening:
- Elder nomination forms are due this Sunday. Please turn them in to me or put them in my mailbox.
- Men’s breakfast is this Saturday at 8am at Hometown Kitchen.
- Junior Youth meet after the worship service this Sunday.
- Items to help with the Oxford recovery effort can be brought to the church this Sunday. We will be taking the donations to Oxford Neighborhood Services after Sunday.
- Youth Community Concert at Wesley Church is this Wednesday. We are gathering at the church at 6 pm and then heading over to Wesley. We should be back at the church by around 9 pm.
- The Drive-In Movie night sponsored by the Junior Youth group has been rescheduled to Saturday 10/7, starting at 7 pm. Film is “Tommy and the Cool Mule.”
- Senior High Youth meet after the worship service on 10/8.
This Sunday we will be looking at Nehemiah 3. Oftentimes when we come across a list of names in the Bible we tend to skip over them or skim through the list at best. When we dig deep into this list of names, however, I believe we find some significant details that can help us with the rebuilds that God calls us to in our lives. As I mentioned last Sunday, if you know of someone who is struggling with believing that God could have a purpose for their lives, I would really encourage you to invite them to join you at the Bridge this Sunday, its’ going to be a great morning!
Blessings,
Scott