Good morning!
About ten years ago I decided to go do some physical therapy on my right shoulder. My shoulder had been bothering me for a long time. I initially injured it a long time ago playing softball, but because it only hurt when I tried to throw something overhand (softball, football, shooting basketball, etc.), I had just decided to stop throwing. It was the classic “since it hurts when I do this….I just won’t do that” type of injury treatment plan. This strategy worked in one sense – I didn’t have to deal with the pain. By not dealing with what was causing the pain, however, I was essentially depriving myself of something that I really enjoy – playing sports.
I put off getting the injury diagnosed and treated because I was afraid that I was headed for shoulder surgery, and I really didn’t want them to cut my shoulder. Of course, I didn’t know if that would be the outcome of getting it checked, I just was assuming the worst.
To my surprise, surgery wasn’t immediately necessary. In fact, going through all of the stretches and exercises of physical therapy yielded amazing (at least to me) results! I’m still not near full strength, but I’ve been able to play backyard games since doing the therapy.
As working through physical therapy and working on our marriages have some things in common. All couples will experience an “injury” in their relationship. Conflict is going to happen. It’s how we deal with that “pain” that is important. We can certainly try to avoid dealing with it. We may even be able to move through life without really acknowledging that we are hurt and avoid the activities or conversations that would make us feel the pain again.
Many couples have tried this approach and can live together for years (if not decades) with the “since it hurts when I do this…I just won’t do that” treatment plan. But by choosing this plan we deprive ourselves of truly enjoying all the blessings and joys that God designed our marriage to be. And the pain really never goes away. Eventually it will need to be dealt with.
The longer we put off getting a “diagnosis,” the harder and longer the treatment will likely be. Now, I realize that this metaphor isn’t perfect and my issues with my shoulder pale in comparison to the pain that you might be feeling in your marriage right now.
Let me encourage you, however, to begin to deal with the pain. Seek out the counsel of others as to the best treatment plan. Be ready for a lot of stretching and hard work. It may take some time, and you might not get the immediate results you were hoping for, but in the end it will be worth it. Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
God does not want our marriages to be a constant effort to avoid pain. Frankly, avoiding the pain can be both exhausting and depressing. Instead, God wants to help us deal with the pain so that we can once again enjoy the parts of our marriage (and our lives) that give us the most joy. James 5:16 says “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”
At one point in my therapy I found myself saying “You fool, you should have dealt with this years ago.” I hope I never say that when it comes to my marriage.
Here’s what’s happening:
- This Sunday is the last week of our coffee time before the morning worship service. Thank you to everyone who has helped with providing the snack this summer.
- The Junior Youth Group meets after the worship service this Sunday.
- Sunday School returns with classes for all ages on Sunday, September 10.
- Our annual church Corn Roast is also on Sunday, September 10 at the Kreider home following the morning worship service. Corn, hot dogs, and all the fixings, drinks and paper supplies are supplied. Please bring a large finger food to share or whatever you would you like (if you are able). Don’t let bringing something keep you away! We will eat about 11:45 right after church. If you have a favorite yard game besides corn hole, croquet, soccer balls and frisbee bring it too. You may park at the barn (the neighbors will be away) or at the store. Also, please bring lawn chairs.
- The church carpets will be cleaned on Monday, September 11. We could use a few extra hands to help move things off the floor on that Sunday.
- The Senior High Youth are mini-golfing at Village Greens on Saturday 9/16. Meet at the church at 6 pm and pick up is at 9 pm. See me for more information.
- Our annual Drive-In Movie night sponsored by the Junior Youth group will be on Saturday 9/23 starting at 7 pm.
This Sunday Kendall Keeler will be bringing the morning message, as our family will be camping at Gifford Pinchot State Park with Mary’s side of the family. For those of you who don’t know Kendall, he is a “local boy” who has served in a variety of ministry positions over the years. He works for ServeNow, an international missions agency that we support at ABCF. Please make Kendall feel welcome!